Bad Romance

"Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive"
-Stay by U2

Good Morning, beautiful readers! I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days.
Today is a pretty hairy topic: Bad Romance.

Admit it, when watching Buffy (and I think I just admitted to being a full-fledged geek) you totally think "I wish I had Spike." Or hell, if you're more into Gossip Girl, it's Chuck Bass. You want the bad boy (or girl, depending on who you are) with the potential to be an unexpected hero. I am completely guilty of wanting this type. So much so that it has become dangerous.

What I want to discuss today is a difference between matrydom and masochism. What is the difference between loving so much that you'd "do anything" and putting yourself and others in danger.

Today's example:

I have a friend who is hooked on meth and cocaine. She has a boyfriend with the same drug addiction and they have been together for two years. Recently, he has been beating her, throwing things at her, saying horrible and damaging things to her, and threatening her to get money out of her. She says that it's just because of the drugs, that he would never do all of this sober. She says that he needs her and has no one else. As a result, she was $165 overdrawn in her bank account, bruised, and completely addicted to him. He tore her down so far that she had no faith in herself and believed her sole purpose in life was to be with this little boy who likes hurting little girls.

This was a very hard fact for me to swollow. I grew up in a household filled with abuse of all sorts. I watched my mother being taken down on a regular basis by a husband (not my father) who had promised to honour and love and protect her for the rest of his life. But he hurt my mum and he hurt the people in her life.

Now, I am certainly hoping that not too many people reading this blog can relate to that horrible example of a bad romance. But this can still apply in more mild situations. Say that you have a friend who rolls her eyes every time you say something. You know she's going through a hard time, so you sit back and let the emotional abuse happen. Because you're a good friend, right?

But here is the thing I've learned: there is a huge difference between being someone's punching bag and being someone's friend. Yes, sacrifice is a part of life and a part of being in a relationship (whether it be friendship, romance, etc). Sometimes you have to sit back and take more on than you want to. Where does the line get drawn?

Do you have to make excuses for their behaviour? Do you end up feeling horrible about yourself by the end of the day? If yes, then it's time to make a change. Maybe you just need to step back, take some time to build yourself up so that you're better equiped to handle the situation. In a situation like my friend's though, you need to cut off all communication. I know it's difficult. But what you need to believe deep down is that you come first. Your needs come first.

Also, pretty please keep in mind that you cannot base your relationship around the hope that someone changes. Remembering who they used to be and basing everything off of that is pointless. I'm not saying you can't love these people. I am simply saying that you need to be careful and not hold any expectations.

Peace Be With You,

Alaska