Bad Romance

"Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive"
-Stay by U2

Good Morning, beautiful readers! I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days.
Today is a pretty hairy topic: Bad Romance.

Admit it, when watching Buffy (and I think I just admitted to being a full-fledged geek) you totally think "I wish I had Spike." Or hell, if you're more into Gossip Girl, it's Chuck Bass. You want the bad boy (or girl, depending on who you are) with the potential to be an unexpected hero. I am completely guilty of wanting this type. So much so that it has become dangerous.

What I want to discuss today is a difference between matrydom and masochism. What is the difference between loving so much that you'd "do anything" and putting yourself and others in danger.

Today's example:

I have a friend who is hooked on meth and cocaine. She has a boyfriend with the same drug addiction and they have been together for two years. Recently, he has been beating her, throwing things at her, saying horrible and damaging things to her, and threatening her to get money out of her. She says that it's just because of the drugs, that he would never do all of this sober. She says that he needs her and has no one else. As a result, she was $165 overdrawn in her bank account, bruised, and completely addicted to him. He tore her down so far that she had no faith in herself and believed her sole purpose in life was to be with this little boy who likes hurting little girls.

This was a very hard fact for me to swollow. I grew up in a household filled with abuse of all sorts. I watched my mother being taken down on a regular basis by a husband (not my father) who had promised to honour and love and protect her for the rest of his life. But he hurt my mum and he hurt the people in her life.

Now, I am certainly hoping that not too many people reading this blog can relate to that horrible example of a bad romance. But this can still apply in more mild situations. Say that you have a friend who rolls her eyes every time you say something. You know she's going through a hard time, so you sit back and let the emotional abuse happen. Because you're a good friend, right?

But here is the thing I've learned: there is a huge difference between being someone's punching bag and being someone's friend. Yes, sacrifice is a part of life and a part of being in a relationship (whether it be friendship, romance, etc). Sometimes you have to sit back and take more on than you want to. Where does the line get drawn?

Do you have to make excuses for their behaviour? Do you end up feeling horrible about yourself by the end of the day? If yes, then it's time to make a change. Maybe you just need to step back, take some time to build yourself up so that you're better equiped to handle the situation. In a situation like my friend's though, you need to cut off all communication. I know it's difficult. But what you need to believe deep down is that you come first. Your needs come first.

Also, pretty please keep in mind that you cannot base your relationship around the hope that someone changes. Remembering who they used to be and basing everything off of that is pointless. I'm not saying you can't love these people. I am simply saying that you need to be careful and not hold any expectations.

Peace Be With You,

Alaska

My Sick Little Playlist

Hey guys!

So I am all viked up. Because of this, I will just post a playlist that I hope most of you will enjoy. =]

1. Do You Realize by the Flaming Lips

2. Skin by BOY

3. Life on A String by Mandolin Orange

4. Young Blood by the Naked and Famous

5. Wicked Games by Coeur de Pirate

6. Ho Hey by the Lumineers

7. Romeo and Juliet by the Killers

8. Tire Swing by Kimya Dawson

9. Winter Killing by Stina Nordenstam

10. All My Rage by Laura Marling

11. A-Team by Ed Sheeran

12. All that Matters by My Last Mistakes

13. Someone Like You by Walk Off the Earth

14. Never Say Never by Romeo Void

15. Oh My God by Ida Maria

16. To You I Bestow by Brian Vaughn

17. Wonderwall by Cat Power

18. Remember Me by Otis Redding

19. Ridin Solo by Jason Darulo

20. Praise You by Fatboy Slim

Let me know if you like this music. There is more where that came from!

Much Love,

Alaska

You will only get this if you've seen Spring Awakening:

Take Care

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen!

So, I today I was going to write about a very important topic. But this one seems to much more relevant today. So here it goes...

This one goes to your body. Firstly, the most important thing is to make sure you're ok. Imagine your body as a car (honestly, it's the best example). You, as a car, have a transmission and an engine and and a gas tank and a battery. If you are inattentive to even one of those things, you're car is nothing but a non-functioning shell. With food, water, sleep...these things are all healthy for your "car". 

Further still, you have to listen to your body. Say that your reverse goes out or you begin experiencing pain in your abdomen. That is beyond important, yet we ignore it. Rather, I ignored it. I was too busy helping everyone else to notice the pain. I actually added to it by adding caffeine and alcohol and lack of sleep and sex. Now, on their own, none of these things are too damaging. 

Bu I didn't pay attention to any telling signs. As a result, I ended up with severe rib pain and dizziness and nausea. I finally listened to my body and went to the doctors. It turns out that I have a terrible kidney infection that was getting progressively worse. Good news for me is that it isn't the worst thing. It isn't cancer or kidney failure. But it could very well have been. 

Then where would things be? I would have been no use to those I try so hard to help. 

In short (and I'm sorry that this post is such), listen and take care of your body. You can't help anyone else if you're so sick that you can't get out of bed. 

I love you guys!

Do you need advise about a situation? Send me an email and I will try the best I can to give you pure honesty and advice.

-Alaska

The Youness of Being You

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
-Oh The Places You'll Go by Dr. Suess

This is a topic I ponder all the time: being yourself. The problem with it is that you don't always know who that is. And which "yourself" are you expected to be? Are you yourself when you're with your loved one? With your parents? With your friends? With yourself? And what if "yourself" goes against societal morality?

I'll give you an example:

I have a dear friend who wants to be a girl. He doesn't feel like a boy. On the inside, he isn't. He likes the colour pink and is more ladylike and elegant than I can ever hope of being.

He asked me one day what I thought of him getting a sex change. Now, as a generation, we've been raised to be our "true selves", but we live in a society that is so tied to everything looking and acting a certain way. I must admit, the question had me torn. I'm all for him getting a sex change, don't get me wrong. But I don't like the idea of him being judged simply because he wants to look on the outside how he feels on the inside.

That's when it really became apparent to me. Yourself? It's who you want to be. I didn't like my name, so I decided to go by Alaska. I didn't like my strawberry blonde hair? I dyed it brown (and pink and purple and black and blue and...). Simply, I have always been up for creating myself as who I want to be. That is a part of loving yourself. Changing what you don't like and embracing the things you do.

So, I told my lovely little bird that he should get a sex change. Can you imagine how depressed you would feel if you felt like you lived in a body that isn't your own? How uncomfortable and confusing it would get? Seeing him sad breaks my tiny frozen heart. And knowing that for him it's like living in a cage. Ugh!

So enough! If you don't like something about yourself, change it. We live in a modern world filled with lyposuction and millions of hair colours and plastic surgery! Don't hate yourself or barate yourself. Simply acknowledge what you would like to have changed and then change it.

This goes for the inside as well. How exactly are you supposed to be yourself if you aren't comfortable with yourself?

I hope your thoughts have been well fed the past couple of days! Let me know what you think!

alyeskanstars@gmail.com

Peace Be With You!

Alaska

Also, please look at this beautiful link:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/pictures-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity

My Tiny "Good Morning" Playlist

So I think that this playlist is better than a cup of coffee or a bloody mary. Cheaper too. =]

Listen and Enjoy:

1. The Luck You Got by The High Strung

2. Chop Suey by System of A Down

3. Blitzkrieg Bop by the Ramones

4. Young Blood by The Naked and Famous

5. Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

6. Drunken Lullabies by Flogging Molly

7. All My Loving by the Beatles (or the ATU version. It has just a wee bit more pep.)

8. Boy With the Arab Strap by Belle and Sebastian

This is part one of a two part post today, don't forget to read the happy meaty topic of the day. =]

Until Then,

Alaska



Also, this song is amazing.

Breaking to Build

And if it comes to the rain, just be glad you'll smile again
'Cause so many don't.
And so many go unnamed.
-Failure by Laura Marling

Life is really hard sometimes. Speaking for myself, it feels like life is the soap opera that never ends. For example, last year was a terrible year for me. I graduated, moved out, became a stripper, got engaged, lost contact with my mother, had terrible fights with my fiance, had to move back in with my parents, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, was betrayed by a few people I thought I could trust, and finally the love of my life moved out and broke up with me. And that's just last year. Needless to say, I became unglued. I stopped eating, stopped smiling, stopped trusting.

But slowly, I am getting back to loving. Not really loving my ex, but loving the memories. Not really loving those who hurt and betrayed me, but loving the fact that I'm still here. It's not what you've been through, but how you choose to react. Being the child of addiction, I struggle to find the balance between taking on all the pain sober and drinking myself into a stupor just so I don't have to deal. I must admit, sometimes I fall off my mother's wagon. Sometimes my emotional scars feel like broken bones, where the pain can only be soothed by a shot of whisky.

Last night was a ridiculous night. I felt like I was dying of heat stroke, I had received some good/bad news from a close friend, and just when I felt like the night couldn't get any worse? Mine and my ex's song came on in the hookah lounge. Quelles chances. On top of it all, I felt this strange distance between my very close friends (labeled "The Brothers") and myself.

At the end of last night, however, my best friend held me close and told me this: "I know you've been through a lot. I know you feel like you're close to breaking, but you're not. You're ok. You're still here and you will be stronger through all of this."

I reflect upon this: stronger. I wonder how I could possibly become stronger through this situation. However, it's becoming clear. Though I see myself as a wounded, starved bird, my friends and family see me as completely unbreakable. Why?  Because no matter what is thrown at me, I end up with a smile on my face. It never occured to me that some people don't. Some people hide their emotions in drugs and drink, some wear a perma-frown, some people can't take it and simply stop breathing.

Friends, Romans, Country Men, lend me your ear! The rain doesn't last forever! The sun will come out again. And until it does, play in the rain. Learn from it. Experience the bad and use it to make more good in the world.

Much Love,

Alaska

The Love You Deserve

Sadness be gone, let's be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy.
-HappyThankYouMorePlease

Good morning.

I feel like it is important to put out an important lesson I've been learning as of late. This thought originated when I saw HappyThankYouMorePlease. Here's the truth in a strange movie of a man who harbors an eight year old run-away:

We are young, we are beautiful, and we are capable and deserving of love. Well, love and respect. We deserve it from our mother and father, our siblings, friends, and coworkers. We deserve pure and unconditional love. We deserve all of this from each other, but above all, we deserve this from ourselves.

Regardless of whether or not we see it, we set the expectations of how people should treat us. To starve ourselves, to hurt ourselves, to sleep around and not feel good about it...well, why should other people treat you with more respect?

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not perfect. I have starved myself and scarred myself. I have slept with people to feel like I am worth something. It's a process and I am working on it. The first thing I realized is that I am a whole person, complete with flaws and beauty. I am selfish and naive and emotional. But loving yourself is not ignoring the flaws. Loving yourself is accepting who you are as you are.

A dear friend of mine told me once of a book in poetic format entitled The Woman Who Married Herself by Donna Spector. I have not yet read it, but as my friend explains, the woman in this story falls madly in love with herself and decides to wed herself. Now, I don't know if I would go as far as to marry myself. I joke with my friends that if I did, I would probably kill myself on my honeymoon and throw myself in the Hudson River.

However, I have adopted myself as a little sister and best friend. The hardest part was accepting that I'm deserving of love from myself and therefore from others. When I needed someone to "talk sweet" to me or I needed some love, I began to text myself. I saved my own number as a contact in my phone, took a beautiful picture of myself, and began texting. They were things I really wanted to hear from someone else. Things like "Hey Gorgeous. I just wanted to let you know how absolutly stunning you looked tonight. You're a strong, beautiful girl. I love you so much. Sweet Dreams." At first, it felt vain. But if I were talking to my best friend, I know he would say things like that. I would say those things to him. This is when I began to realize that I could be my own best friend.

Try it, maybe you'll receive the love you want.

Until Tomorrow,

Alaska

1.HappyThankYouMorePlease: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1481572/
2.The Woman Who Married Herself: http://www.thepedestalmagazine.com/gallery.php?item=15256