This is me working out some of my issues, I don't even know if this blog will have any moral or lesson. I'm just going to jump right into it.
Over the past year, I have been trying to force myself into so many things. To be normal, to feel okay, to be someone I feel like everyone else deserves. It's been a very long time since I wrote because I didn't feel like what I had to say was wonderful or inspiring. I have found myself in a hole that is so hard to climb out of. When I was little, I always imagined I would have everything figured out by now. I still feel like, once I'm 25, I will have way more figured out than I do right now.
It has taken so many late, drunken nights of wondering why I'm here or what the hell I am doing in order for me to come to some of the conclusions I have come to. Maybe I'm just having a euphoric episode and I'll be back to that hole any minute (though I certainly hope not).
My childhood really did a number on me and I can see it now. The lack of having my mother in my life made a void in my life that I filled with media. Parts of me are really glad I did. My role models growing up were Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe and Amanda Palmer, Alaska Young and Daisy from Great Gatsby, Buffy and Willow. My home was that space between my ears and the music I was listening to, loud and on repeat, in my car, my room, my head... As such, I am a strange person. I am not someone everyone at work gets along with. Sometimes I worry that I'm that weird kid in spandex that people only hang out with because they feel sorry for me.
I have also learned my capacity of both maturity and stupidity. I have made some crazy mistakes in the past year that have lead me to believe that my life was over or simply that I'll never escape from them. I have also grown to take care of the people around me and even tolerate things that maybe shouldn't be tolerated. I'm beginning to see now, though, that all of those cheesy inspirational quotes are right. Mistakes are learning experiences and they are what makes me me. My maturity is something that I can be proud of and draw strength from that.
My hopes are that I can continue to grow and create and make these new fun (and sometimes horrible) memories. Sometimes, you just have to stop waiting for your ship to come in and move and shake instead.
Thank you,
Alaska Miller
Friday, July 25, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Guess Who's Back and A Warning
Hey, Guys!
Wow that was a long hiatus! There were a lot of things preventing me from blogging, but only a few of them really top the chart. I got a job as a server at a local comedy club (extremely time consuming), I lost my internet (still gone, I'm at the college's computer lab), and I let some negative words about the way I come across on my blog become an "inspirational-boner killer". Also, I've been writing an actual story, so it hasn't all been stressful.
There are a lot of things that I feel like saying. Firstly, though, let me say this: just because I had a summer a couple years ago in which I was trying to figure it all out and slept with a few people and got drunk a bit does NOT make me a bad person. I have no doubt that the poetic way I spoke of my adventures in the single life made a few people feel put off and gave them the impression that they could judge me harshly because I put myself on the internet for everyone to read. In this, I give my readers a warning (a few, actually): do not judge other people unless you want to be as closely scrutinized yourself. We all have skeletons in our closets and the thing that separates the judged from the judges is that the judged are comfortable enough with their skeletons to share.
The other warning I'd like to make is shockingly more of a synopsis of this blog: no one should be ashamed of who they are. Learning to grow within yourself is difficult. This blog is to help people gain higher self-esteems and make healthier life choices. Half of the things I post on here, I share so that others can learn from my mistakes. The most important thing to remember, though, is that while I admit I have made some mistakes, I am not in any way, shape, or form ashamed of myself OR my past. Anyone who feels the need to try and make me feel ashamed is not only wasting their time, but also demonstrating how unhealthy their own life decisions are.
With that being said, it's good to be back. This is going to be a good year, 2014, and I'm beyond excited to help everyone who wants it. I'm still not completely sure how often I will be writing, but I promise you it won't be another six months before you hear from me again!
Wishing You Happiness,
Alaska
Wow that was a long hiatus! There were a lot of things preventing me from blogging, but only a few of them really top the chart. I got a job as a server at a local comedy club (extremely time consuming), I lost my internet (still gone, I'm at the college's computer lab), and I let some negative words about the way I come across on my blog become an "inspirational-boner killer". Also, I've been writing an actual story, so it hasn't all been stressful.
There are a lot of things that I feel like saying. Firstly, though, let me say this: just because I had a summer a couple years ago in which I was trying to figure it all out and slept with a few people and got drunk a bit does NOT make me a bad person. I have no doubt that the poetic way I spoke of my adventures in the single life made a few people feel put off and gave them the impression that they could judge me harshly because I put myself on the internet for everyone to read. In this, I give my readers a warning (a few, actually): do not judge other people unless you want to be as closely scrutinized yourself. We all have skeletons in our closets and the thing that separates the judged from the judges is that the judged are comfortable enough with their skeletons to share.
The other warning I'd like to make is shockingly more of a synopsis of this blog: no one should be ashamed of who they are. Learning to grow within yourself is difficult. This blog is to help people gain higher self-esteems and make healthier life choices. Half of the things I post on here, I share so that others can learn from my mistakes. The most important thing to remember, though, is that while I admit I have made some mistakes, I am not in any way, shape, or form ashamed of myself OR my past. Anyone who feels the need to try and make me feel ashamed is not only wasting their time, but also demonstrating how unhealthy their own life decisions are.
With that being said, it's good to be back. This is going to be a good year, 2014, and I'm beyond excited to help everyone who wants it. I'm still not completely sure how often I will be writing, but I promise you it won't be another six months before you hear from me again!
Wishing You Happiness,
Alaska
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