My Lovely Astronaut and The Love You Deserve

 To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die...
-There Is a Light...by the Smiths

I noticed (and by I, I mean my lovely boyfriend) that I have failed to mention the results of my first blog post ever. For those of you who haven't read it, it's The Love You Deserve. When I wrote this post, I never realized how this simple post would effect me. Though it has certainly not been easy, I have found the strength to stop "slutting it up" and hating myself.

Last Summer, I alienated people--even my closest friends--in a huge way. I thought that, in order to love myself, I had to be on my own and not accepting of help. As my model for self-love has matured, so has my life style.

It feels like it happened in a flash. He's one of those people who comes into your life and suddenly you can't remember what life was like before him. He's still convinced I was attracted to his friend first, but how could I with that incandescent smile and the way one of his eyes has the smallest bit of bronze?

 I met him at orientation and though he says he remembers me, I know there is no way that he does. He was like me. He had just broken up with someone poisonous and had taken on the task of complete and total self destruction. Why this is important is because he was hungover the first time we met. I never could have guessed. He suggested radio and I was immediately hooked. Every opportunity I had to talk to him, I did so.

Ted forced me to go to the radio orientation and he was there, My (soon-to-be) Lovely Astronaut. My hair was in a bun, humidity clinging to every wave. I threw on a sundress I had bought for my aunt's wedding and some sandals. Needless to say, I had woken up and thrown on the first thing I saw. It didn't matter. He was impressed. In my very old-me style, I played the cat and mouse game using my eyes.

That weekend, his friend asked me to go to a comedy club with them. I accepted, but was slightly creeped out by his friend. They picked me up and off we went. The club was fantastic--just a fairly small room under the ground. Popcorn was placed on the tables and the low red lights hit everything just right. MLA (My Lovely Astronaut) complained he would be made fun of, so I switched spots with him. Needless to say, he was heckled the rest of the evening. I asked if anyone wanted to go out to smoke with me. He said yes.

From then on, we hung out nearly every day. His kindness and gentle nature made me terrified and my casual view of the world confused him. Finally, he texted me saying "I'm drunk. Ask me anything, I'm an open book." So I did it. I asked him what he thought of me. Obviously, he liked me. I liked him too, but I knew I wasn't good enough for him. This was the point of TLYD. You're only not good enough for someone if you think you aren't.

I am so glad I chose to believe I am good enough for him. Our romance has taken my breath away. Once, we walked back to my dorm room after he told me a huge secret and we sat listening to Samson by Regina Spektor, half lit by the soft glow of the stringed lights. Another time, we sat in my brother's car and listened to music, smoking a cigarette together and drinking a cup of coffee. I thought I had known romance before, but that was me trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Real romance isn't forced, isn't hard to believe in. Real love is when you trust the other person to love you just as much as you love them.

Real love is The Love You Deserve. And for knowing that, I must say thank you to My Lovely Astronaut. Thank you, Zachary Virgil Gray. I love you.

-Alaska

Radio and Why I Am So Lazy!

I bet you guys have been missing me a lot. I'm very very sorry about not writing anything recently. We are currently in the process of a complete remodel of my blog. This will include reorganization and a new logo! Needless to say, I can't wait for these changes! In the mean time, I'll tell you guys a little bit about what is going on with me.

I have been struggling with some family issues lately and I found out some very exciting and life-changing news. I will let you all know about these things as soon as possible, but suffice it to say that, as of right now, I don't have the time I would like to write my blog.

If you are missing my wisdom and knowledge so much that you just can't stand it, I will let you guys in on a secret. Did you know that I am a DJ at my college's radio station? I have two shows: Alyeskan Stars (Thursday Nights 8-10 PM MST) and Bear Naked Comedy (Friday Nights 6-7 PM MST). While Alyeskan Stars is more music oriented (you all know how much I love my music), Bear Naked Comedy is cool because I get to interview comedians. Come listen on www.uncradio.com and "like" the Facebook pages: (AS) www.facebook.com/alyeskanstars and (BNC) www.facebook.com/uncrcomedy.

I really appreciate your support and can't wait for the relaunch and to get back into the groove!

I love you ALL!
-Alaska Miller