Hello, Beautiful!
Ok, so what if you're not a woman or you don't have money for the QFAD Remedy? How can you pull yourself out of whatever funk you're in quickly enough to enjoy your day? As a radio DJ, I have a lot of experience in putting on a smile on days I don't want to. Sometimes, it's delusions of grandeur (i.e., my fans need me!!!), but for the most part, I follow these simple steps:
1. Give yourself 15 minutes to feel. You can feel sad, depressed, numb, pissed, whatever. Really immerse yourself in the feeling. Listen to appropriate music,write an angry email, etc. If it's anxiety you feel, this is a little bit tougher, but still possible. Let your imagination run wild with all the worst possible scenarios.
2. Identify what has you in the funk. Then say, "if Brittany Spears can get through 2007, I can get through today."
3. Now, if it's late at night or you have to pull yourself up quickly, acknowledge the fact that you're in a safe place and you can press "pause" on your feeling. Then hide it in a mental box. You can lock it up if you're worried, but keep the key close by. You're not shoving the problem under the rug, you're just saving it for later.
4. Come back to that feeling later, repeating steps 1-3. Then, when you're ready, identify things you can do to fix the problem. If you're like me, make a list. Lists are fantastic because you have a visual on what you have to do. This can be as creative or linear as you want to make it. Then DO IT! This is where So. Much. Stress. really comes in handy.
Now, start living your life for you, Superstar! And don't sweat the small stuff (everything is small)!
-Alaska
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
A Poisonous Maternal Relationship
Read me your tombstone, tell me you're sorry, fax me your will, you owe me something still
Blood is like water, the bath that you poured me has drained and it's gone...
-Don't Blame Your Daughter by the Cardigans
Hey guys!
I know I don't talk too much about myself and my daily goings-on on this blog, but I figured now might be a good time to start. The quote above is my feelings toward someone I honestly thought I'd never feel this way for. This post is about my mother.
From the time I was nine/ten to the time I was eighteen, I was not allowed to see or talk to my own mother. When I was younger, I didn't understand the reasons why and, as a result, I treated my father horribly. I wasn't allowed to see her because she was an alcoholic and the environment she put my brother and me in was a poisonous one. She didn't have the capability to provide us with some very simple things. For example, one year, she forgot Christmas. As a result, we didn't have any Christmas presents or a tree of any kind. I still remember my brother crying because he felt like he wasn't even important for Santa Clause to remember. While I knew better at that time, I was still astonished that she forgot. Our own mother forgot us. Luckily, my dad hadn't forgot and he had several presents and a tree at his house. Still, it was a rough thing for two very young people to go through.
She married a man that was abusive--both sexually and physically--to my family. I could make an argument that she was too afraid to leave him, but when you have kids on the line, the last thing you should be doing is shutting off the world and turning to the bottle. My brother and I have been traumatized from our past experiences. She simply didn't care. These are the reasons why we could not legally see her until the age of eighteen.
Still, when my grandmother died, she and I began to communicate by exchanging letters and emails. I thought it was right. I even went to a restaurant with her once and looked at her thinking "it's totally fine that I idolize her." After all, she was my mother. It shouldn't be a bad thing to lie to my father about communicating with her, right? Needless to say, my father found out and grounded me. I was so mad at him for such a long time. I didn't talk to her again until the day I turned into an adult legally.
I remember bringing two of my friends and telling them to be careful. I told them that she was very charismatic, but she is dangerous if you get too close. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to my own advise and spent two years loving her, caring for her, and being so mad I couldn't breathe.
This past winter break, Zach and I went to her place and her true colors came out. She was mean. She called me an attention whore and said terrible things to my brother. The worst part: she refused to quit drinking. My new stepfather (not abusive) had been working so hard to get her to quit, but he was falling into a pattern of denial. I spoke with her on the phone once after Winter Break and she was mad at me for my lack of sympathy. She didn't even ask me how I was doing.
I asked my dad and he blocked her number so that I could not receive phone calls from her. Still, I felt like I needed to tell her that she will no longer be a part of my life. I wrote her a message on Facebook. She wrote back and told me that I am no longer a part of her family. She later apologized for this, but only because my brother called her and told her to do so. The proudest day of my life was blocking her on Facebook. I said what I had to for me. I knew she would never listen to me.
She has since said terrible things about me to her friends, to my brother, etc. All the same, I remain calmed by the fact that I said my peace. I am happier without her poison in my beautiful world.
Guys, if you are in any form of relationship like this, it's time to get out. Don't try to save people who don't want to be saved. It'll only ever end up with you on the ground sobbing your eyes out. People like her--there is no getting through to them. Have the conviction to love yourself enough to prevent them from getting into your world. Regardless of who the person is, if they have no respect for you, then have enough love for yourself to let them go.
And make your world a little bit more beautiful.
-Alaska
Blood is like water, the bath that you poured me has drained and it's gone...
-Don't Blame Your Daughter by the Cardigans
Hey guys!
I know I don't talk too much about myself and my daily goings-on on this blog, but I figured now might be a good time to start. The quote above is my feelings toward someone I honestly thought I'd never feel this way for. This post is about my mother.
From the time I was nine/ten to the time I was eighteen, I was not allowed to see or talk to my own mother. When I was younger, I didn't understand the reasons why and, as a result, I treated my father horribly. I wasn't allowed to see her because she was an alcoholic and the environment she put my brother and me in was a poisonous one. She didn't have the capability to provide us with some very simple things. For example, one year, she forgot Christmas. As a result, we didn't have any Christmas presents or a tree of any kind. I still remember my brother crying because he felt like he wasn't even important for Santa Clause to remember. While I knew better at that time, I was still astonished that she forgot. Our own mother forgot us. Luckily, my dad hadn't forgot and he had several presents and a tree at his house. Still, it was a rough thing for two very young people to go through.
She married a man that was abusive--both sexually and physically--to my family. I could make an argument that she was too afraid to leave him, but when you have kids on the line, the last thing you should be doing is shutting off the world and turning to the bottle. My brother and I have been traumatized from our past experiences. She simply didn't care. These are the reasons why we could not legally see her until the age of eighteen.
Still, when my grandmother died, she and I began to communicate by exchanging letters and emails. I thought it was right. I even went to a restaurant with her once and looked at her thinking "it's totally fine that I idolize her." After all, she was my mother. It shouldn't be a bad thing to lie to my father about communicating with her, right? Needless to say, my father found out and grounded me. I was so mad at him for such a long time. I didn't talk to her again until the day I turned into an adult legally.
I remember bringing two of my friends and telling them to be careful. I told them that she was very charismatic, but she is dangerous if you get too close. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to my own advise and spent two years loving her, caring for her, and being so mad I couldn't breathe.
This past winter break, Zach and I went to her place and her true colors came out. She was mean. She called me an attention whore and said terrible things to my brother. The worst part: she refused to quit drinking. My new stepfather (not abusive) had been working so hard to get her to quit, but he was falling into a pattern of denial. I spoke with her on the phone once after Winter Break and she was mad at me for my lack of sympathy. She didn't even ask me how I was doing.
I asked my dad and he blocked her number so that I could not receive phone calls from her. Still, I felt like I needed to tell her that she will no longer be a part of my life. I wrote her a message on Facebook. She wrote back and told me that I am no longer a part of her family. She later apologized for this, but only because my brother called her and told her to do so. The proudest day of my life was blocking her on Facebook. I said what I had to for me. I knew she would never listen to me.
She has since said terrible things about me to her friends, to my brother, etc. All the same, I remain calmed by the fact that I said my peace. I am happier without her poison in my beautiful world.
Guys, if you are in any form of relationship like this, it's time to get out. Don't try to save people who don't want to be saved. It'll only ever end up with you on the ground sobbing your eyes out. People like her--there is no getting through to them. Have the conviction to love yourself enough to prevent them from getting into your world. Regardless of who the person is, if they have no respect for you, then have enough love for yourself to let them go.
And make your world a little bit more beautiful.
-Alaska
Friday, April 5, 2013
Queen for a Day Remedy
Hey guys!
This blog post is focused much more on women (hence the title), so if you're a guy, I won't be offended if you skip over this. I don't typically make posts toward a specific gender, but I thought it might be appreciated.
These are some tips on how to make yourself feel better while having a bad day. I call them my Queen for a Day Remedy:
1. Go to the store and buy ice cream, a magazine, mud mask (my favorite is this one right here except I get a big tube of it), a tiara, bubble bath or slightly wilted roses, cocoa butter lotion, hair dye (if you can afford it and are feeling bold), and other beauty supplies. I keep pretty stocked up with most of these things so that they're right at my fingertips in times of need. The more you do this, the more you'll figure out the products that work for you and the ones you can live without.
2. Take your laptop into the bathroom and listen to music while you clean (yes, I said clean). Cleaning your bathroom (the area where you'll be doing most of this) will give you a feeling of luxury and it'll clear the clutter in your brain.
3. Start by a relaxing bath. Pull back your hair and put on a mud mask, fill the bath with bubbles or petals (rose oils actually seep into your skin and relax you quite a bit), put on your tiara, and put on your favourite show. I usually watch Doctor Who, but any show you enjoy is going to be great for you. Also, put a nice cold (beer/smoothie/water/etc) next to the tub so you can sip and enjoy. Watch one episode of your show and then get out.
4. Something a lot of women (especially around my age) don't know how to do is to properly moisturize their body. I swear by cocoa butter, but any deep penetrating lotion will do (preferably one without fragrance). Also, put moisturizer on your face, which will make your skin more elastic and fresh. Do some typical grooming things (i.e., brush teeth, clip nails, tweeze eyebrows, etc).
5. Typically, I love to get a lot done at once. So, at this point in the process, I go nuts. I put the dye in my hair, flip on a show I love, and do my nails while eating ice cream and reading a magazine. If you don't like to get everything done at once, just pull apart this process and enjoy the pieces. This is your time to relax and do things to help you and make you feel better.
6. Then, I like to mega-clean my room and listen to happy music. Cleaning makes me happy, as I am not much for clutter. Sometimes it is a pain, but it usually takes my mind off of a situation. Plus, I feel a lot more in control of the chaos.
7. Put your tiara back on and watch an awesome movie. Mine is always Breakfast at Tiffany's because, well, it's Audrey. If classic movies aren't your thing, watch a movie that makes you feel like a queen. Make sure you do this in your PJ's or less...
8. Put more cocoa butter on before you go to sleep. You'll wake up feeling goddess-like all over. : )
If you want a playlist, click that happy "play" button.
Love you all and have a happy Friday!
-Alaska
This blog post is focused much more on women (hence the title), so if you're a guy, I won't be offended if you skip over this. I don't typically make posts toward a specific gender, but I thought it might be appreciated.
These are some tips on how to make yourself feel better while having a bad day. I call them my Queen for a Day Remedy:
1. Go to the store and buy ice cream, a magazine, mud mask (my favorite is this one right here except I get a big tube of it), a tiara, bubble bath or slightly wilted roses, cocoa butter lotion, hair dye (if you can afford it and are feeling bold), and other beauty supplies. I keep pretty stocked up with most of these things so that they're right at my fingertips in times of need. The more you do this, the more you'll figure out the products that work for you and the ones you can live without.
2. Take your laptop into the bathroom and listen to music while you clean (yes, I said clean). Cleaning your bathroom (the area where you'll be doing most of this) will give you a feeling of luxury and it'll clear the clutter in your brain.
3. Start by a relaxing bath. Pull back your hair and put on a mud mask, fill the bath with bubbles or petals (rose oils actually seep into your skin and relax you quite a bit), put on your tiara, and put on your favourite show. I usually watch Doctor Who, but any show you enjoy is going to be great for you. Also, put a nice cold (beer/smoothie/water/etc) next to the tub so you can sip and enjoy. Watch one episode of your show and then get out.
4. Something a lot of women (especially around my age) don't know how to do is to properly moisturize their body. I swear by cocoa butter, but any deep penetrating lotion will do (preferably one without fragrance). Also, put moisturizer on your face, which will make your skin more elastic and fresh. Do some typical grooming things (i.e., brush teeth, clip nails, tweeze eyebrows, etc).
5. Typically, I love to get a lot done at once. So, at this point in the process, I go nuts. I put the dye in my hair, flip on a show I love, and do my nails while eating ice cream and reading a magazine. If you don't like to get everything done at once, just pull apart this process and enjoy the pieces. This is your time to relax and do things to help you and make you feel better.
6. Then, I like to mega-clean my room and listen to happy music. Cleaning makes me happy, as I am not much for clutter. Sometimes it is a pain, but it usually takes my mind off of a situation. Plus, I feel a lot more in control of the chaos.
7. Put your tiara back on and watch an awesome movie. Mine is always Breakfast at Tiffany's because, well, it's Audrey. If classic movies aren't your thing, watch a movie that makes you feel like a queen. Make sure you do this in your PJ's or less...
8. Put more cocoa butter on before you go to sleep. You'll wake up feeling goddess-like all over. : )
If you want a playlist, click that happy "play" button.
Love you all and have a happy Friday!
-Alaska
Monday, April 1, 2013
Sending Out Possitive Engergy
Hello, Fellow Humans!
You shiver and shake at the prospects of what might happen soon. You worry and worry until it begins tearing your stomach to shreds. Regardless of whether it's school, money, telling you family something, or finding a job, we all have stress and worry.
Something that has been a prominent part of universal thinking in the past ten years is wish fulfillment. This is whether you believe in God, the Universe, or whatever else. I'm going to use "the Universe" for this one because it seems rather, well, universal. You send out your worry to the Universe, but that is perceived as a wish. Because of that, what you are worried about comes true. Send out hopes and aspirations, and you are typically met with those in return.
This is a tough thing. Especially for me. I try so very hard to be upbeat and positive, but little things (even the big things are small) beat me down and soon I am a little ball of stress (in my boyfriend's words). It seems damn near impossible to stay upbeat when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Just remind yourself that whatever you're going through, huge and gloomy or small and annoying, is a tiny problem. It helps you really look at the issue you're going through and helps it become something manageable.
Then, envision or write or (if you're alone) act out the outcome you want. I know it seems silly to act it out, but it may lift some of the weight and make you feel like the issue has already been solved. It also give you clarity about how to resolve the issue. I used to think that these things would only get my hopes up to have them shattered, but if you hope, the worst that happens is that you might not get your way...for now. So envision! Say that you had some really life changing news to tell your family. Envision that your words are met with excitement and happiness.
Remember that you have to make the steps. This should go without saying, but I've known a lot of people who think that they'll have 5 million dollars dropped on their lap without lifting a finger. As much as I wish the world did that, you have to be the one to make it happen. Sending out positive energy is to encourage you and to help the Universe achieve maximum zen with you (sorry, obscure video game reference...play Peggle to understand that one).
Send out your happy thoughts and the Universe (God, Goddess, Flying Spaghetti Monster, etc) will help you.
-Alaska
You shiver and shake at the prospects of what might happen soon. You worry and worry until it begins tearing your stomach to shreds. Regardless of whether it's school, money, telling you family something, or finding a job, we all have stress and worry.
Something that has been a prominent part of universal thinking in the past ten years is wish fulfillment. This is whether you believe in God, the Universe, or whatever else. I'm going to use "the Universe" for this one because it seems rather, well, universal. You send out your worry to the Universe, but that is perceived as a wish. Because of that, what you are worried about comes true. Send out hopes and aspirations, and you are typically met with those in return.
This is a tough thing. Especially for me. I try so very hard to be upbeat and positive, but little things (even the big things are small) beat me down and soon I am a little ball of stress (in my boyfriend's words). It seems damn near impossible to stay upbeat when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Just remind yourself that whatever you're going through, huge and gloomy or small and annoying, is a tiny problem. It helps you really look at the issue you're going through and helps it become something manageable.
Then, envision or write or (if you're alone) act out the outcome you want. I know it seems silly to act it out, but it may lift some of the weight and make you feel like the issue has already been solved. It also give you clarity about how to resolve the issue. I used to think that these things would only get my hopes up to have them shattered, but if you hope, the worst that happens is that you might not get your way...for now. So envision! Say that you had some really life changing news to tell your family. Envision that your words are met with excitement and happiness.
Remember that you have to make the steps. This should go without saying, but I've known a lot of people who think that they'll have 5 million dollars dropped on their lap without lifting a finger. As much as I wish the world did that, you have to be the one to make it happen. Sending out positive energy is to encourage you and to help the Universe achieve maximum zen with you (sorry, obscure video game reference...play Peggle to understand that one).
Send out your happy thoughts and the Universe (God, Goddess, Flying Spaghetti Monster, etc) will help you.
-Alaska
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Openness and Why I Bother... : )
I wanted to post this in order to clarify what, to a lot of people, has been a very confusing thing about this blog.
All the information that I have shared on this blog is disclosed for two reasons. The first is that I know there are so many people out there going through really difficult times. Some of the things that happen to people, I would have absolutely no idea how to deal with. However, I believe that there are many things I have been through that other people have either been through or are going through. I don't pretend to have all the answers. Everyone's lives are so different and what works for me may not work for someone else. All I want to do is let people know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that other people have survived what may be the worst thing to ever happen to someone. My mission for this blog, and for my life, is to help others cope and still fell like the beautiful miracle they are.
The second reason I am so open with what I say on the internet (which seems to be, more or less, getting me into a lot of trouble and making me look like a horrible person) is for a more personal reason. I would rather be an open and honest individual than have people surprised and hurt later because I didn't tell them something. My life is an open book. Every step I have made in life, good or bad, has gotten me to where I am right now. I don't suggest blabbing about yourself all over the internet, but I had to keep far too many secrets as a child to not speak out about my past now. There were several years spent in anxiety over the fact that I had to keep secrets from one parent for another parent.
With all of that being said, I want to talk about where I am hoping to take this blog. I want this to be an inspiration to others and I want more than anything for people to love themselves, have respect for themselves, and to remember that life is exactly what you want it to be. In other words, I want people to find their own "Muchness." In this, I also want this to be a place where you, my darling and incredibly appreciated reader, can feel free to contact me if you need help.
Have a wonderful night!
-Alaska
All the information that I have shared on this blog is disclosed for two reasons. The first is that I know there are so many people out there going through really difficult times. Some of the things that happen to people, I would have absolutely no idea how to deal with. However, I believe that there are many things I have been through that other people have either been through or are going through. I don't pretend to have all the answers. Everyone's lives are so different and what works for me may not work for someone else. All I want to do is let people know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that other people have survived what may be the worst thing to ever happen to someone. My mission for this blog, and for my life, is to help others cope and still fell like the beautiful miracle they are.
The second reason I am so open with what I say on the internet (which seems to be, more or less, getting me into a lot of trouble and making me look like a horrible person) is for a more personal reason. I would rather be an open and honest individual than have people surprised and hurt later because I didn't tell them something. My life is an open book. Every step I have made in life, good or bad, has gotten me to where I am right now. I don't suggest blabbing about yourself all over the internet, but I had to keep far too many secrets as a child to not speak out about my past now. There were several years spent in anxiety over the fact that I had to keep secrets from one parent for another parent.
With all of that being said, I want to talk about where I am hoping to take this blog. I want this to be an inspiration to others and I want more than anything for people to love themselves, have respect for themselves, and to remember that life is exactly what you want it to be. In other words, I want people to find their own "Muchness." In this, I also want this to be a place where you, my darling and incredibly appreciated reader, can feel free to contact me if you need help.
Have a wonderful night!
-Alaska
Friday, March 8, 2013
Crazy Changes
Hey guys!
Two weeks until we change our style! There will be two posts today: one is this post, in which I will explain the new and exciting changes I am making to the blog and two is going to be a survey for some general feedback. Your thoughts and opinions mean the world to me and I couldn't do any of this without your support.
This summer, I will be starting up an Etsy Shop to gain some extra income and put some of my talents to good use. I am hoping to find a way to reformat the blog so you guys will have first pick of the things I sell. Also, I'm going to start putting DIY projects and recipes up on Fridays. There will be a whole other section for this.
As you can tell from this week, I will now only be putting posts up on M/W/F. This way, I can keep on schedule and hopefully have more to write about. I am so excited for these changes!
I will post a survey later today. I would really love the imput!
Thanks for reading, guys!
-Alaska
Two weeks until we change our style! There will be two posts today: one is this post, in which I will explain the new and exciting changes I am making to the blog and two is going to be a survey for some general feedback. Your thoughts and opinions mean the world to me and I couldn't do any of this without your support.
This summer, I will be starting up an Etsy Shop to gain some extra income and put some of my talents to good use. I am hoping to find a way to reformat the blog so you guys will have first pick of the things I sell. Also, I'm going to start putting DIY projects and recipes up on Fridays. There will be a whole other section for this.
As you can tell from this week, I will now only be putting posts up on M/W/F. This way, I can keep on schedule and hopefully have more to write about. I am so excited for these changes!
I will post a survey later today. I would really love the imput!
Thanks for reading, guys!
-Alaska
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Forget Regret
Hey guys!
Today is about the past and regrets. Sometimes we do things that we aren't at all proud of. So what do you do in order to move past all the things that you've done?
Well, firstly, I want you to realize that, barring a sexy man in a bright blue box, you most likely don't have the option of time travel. You can't change past actions and words, you can just learn from your experiences and look towards a better future. The past is like concrete, you can bang your head against it, but it won't fix it's existence and it won't make you feel any better.
Apologize for the things that have happened. If it'll make you feel better, if it'll help you change, then apologize. However, there is only so long you can apologize for before it becomes moot and stagnant. If someone continuously makes you feel bad for it, then you need to talk to that person and either get them to agree to cease or just leave them behind. You are still a human and, especially if you've really changed, you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life dealing with a guilt trip.
Forgive yourself. Rape and murder are the only two scenarios in which you shouldn't forgive yourself. If you haven't done either of these, then you need to realize that what happened is not fixable and that beating yourself up for it isn't going to make anything right. Find it in yourself to forgive yourself. Remember, you're the one who will be with you for the rest of your life. Learning to love and forgive yourself is the best thing you can do.
The past is gone. The present is now. Use the present. Enjoy life.
-Alaska
Today is about the past and regrets. Sometimes we do things that we aren't at all proud of. So what do you do in order to move past all the things that you've done?
Well, firstly, I want you to realize that, barring a sexy man in a bright blue box, you most likely don't have the option of time travel. You can't change past actions and words, you can just learn from your experiences and look towards a better future. The past is like concrete, you can bang your head against it, but it won't fix it's existence and it won't make you feel any better.
Apologize for the things that have happened. If it'll make you feel better, if it'll help you change, then apologize. However, there is only so long you can apologize for before it becomes moot and stagnant. If someone continuously makes you feel bad for it, then you need to talk to that person and either get them to agree to cease or just leave them behind. You are still a human and, especially if you've really changed, you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life dealing with a guilt trip.
Forgive yourself. Rape and murder are the only two scenarios in which you shouldn't forgive yourself. If you haven't done either of these, then you need to realize that what happened is not fixable and that beating yourself up for it isn't going to make anything right. Find it in yourself to forgive yourself. Remember, you're the one who will be with you for the rest of your life. Learning to love and forgive yourself is the best thing you can do.
The past is gone. The present is now. Use the present. Enjoy life.
-Alaska
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